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Ever experi- enced condiment anchoring before? But I couldn’t bring myself to call. I could never tell if he was experiencing serious angst or just trying to en- tertain me.
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I’m not the kind of guy women giggle over at a bar or want to take home when they’re feeling drunk and crazy. So what I gathered from the con- versation was that here was a guy who’s had all the sex he wanted his whole life and, at seventy-three, he’s still chasing tail. Bungee jumping and parachuting were a Cakewalk compared to this.
The fall- out nearly destroyed his relationship, and in the process taught him that there was a downside to being a pickup artist: The other tapes are from Kim and Tom”—Ross’s ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend.
There had to be a solution. He lived a fast, opium- enhanced life, and swore he would be dead by the age of thirty. Recite a memorized opener, if not two or three in a row. It was just resting there like some disem- bodied limb, and I imagined her wondering what exactly it was doing there and how she could gracefully extricate herself from under it.
Only you know why you are so mad. I figured Sin wanted me to neg her. Believe it or not, the game is linear. But instead of dropping her off, I pulled into the garage. The most important of these is social proof, which is the no- tion that if everyone else is doing something, then it must be good. I have indentations on either side of my forehead, which I like and believe add character to my face, though I’ve never actually been compli- mented on them.
But I wanted this technology.
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We had pulled off spectacular pickups before the disbe- lieving eyes of our students and disciples in Los Emtodo, New York, Mon- treal, London, Melbourne, Belgrade, Odessa, and beyond. I’d made the neg up on the spot and was probably about to get slapped.
And I had nothing. He reeked of money and confi- dence. I had spent an hour with this girl at La Salsa and two hours at the bar. Mystery and the other students would be there to bear witness to my shame, my secret, my inadequacy. But his mind was made up. When I returned home, I pulled the scrap of paper out of my pocket and placed it in front of the computer.
Dustin suggested going back to my place to cook a late-night snack, so we walked to my tiny East Village apartment and, instead, collapsed on the bed, with Dustin on one side of Paula and me on the other.
I wasn’t so sure. When talking, ignore the target for the most part. He gets like this.
Per- haps signing up for Mystery’s workshop had been an intelligent decision. And I had to follow protocol and neg her. He tried to mold her into his ideal girl—he talked her into getting a boob job, metoxo him blow jobs which she’d never done beforeand taking a job as a stripper—but she drew the line at bisexuality. Do not hesitate—approach instantly.
On the way out, as I stopped to use the bathroom, I found Extramask standing there, twirling an unwashed lock of hair in his fingers. I showed Elonova an ESP trick Mystery had taught me earlier that ever ning, in which I guessed a number she was thinking between one and ten hint: Once I discovered tunwitch world, the first thing that changed was my vo- cabulary.
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He spent years studying and practicing, and managed to parlay his talents into birthday parties, corporate gigs, and even a couple of talk shows. In fact, show him a pitted avocado and he’s ready to go. We walked in the door of the restaurant—confident, smiling, metodk. Along with the sneakier Grimble, the more predatory Sin became a faithful wing.
It was one of the most ridiculous things I’d ever done, but I was entering a new guwitch now, with its own rules of behavior.
In the decade since I’d written that poem, nothing had changed.